honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm just crazy horny about you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
