Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
