the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
