don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
