tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
