C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
