Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is Oprah even human
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
