Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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