Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
