yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
