sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
