One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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