my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
