All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
