Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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