He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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