I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we're making bets on your personal life
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
