Michael Bay diarrhea
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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