butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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