the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
