just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
