yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
