There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
