and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And then my night got REAL pukey
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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