Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
His nipple licking is glorious
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