hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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