He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
