This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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