and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
