Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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