I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She bit a glass in half.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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