Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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