tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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