I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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