All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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