Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
