i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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