i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
