If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
