Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
