DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
