I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
