i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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