We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
