Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
