i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
