she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
