remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
