When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
