Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
