So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
