so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
